I need to write down how I feel,
But I feel empty like nothings real,
My mind is blank and my body’s tired,
A long day where lots has transpired.
A bunch of questions about my life,
About a marriage and how I became ‘wife’,
I don’t like all this attention,
About my life and it’s intention.
I’ve made lots of choices I now regret,
But I don’t fear, tremble or fret,
They made me who I am today,
But what I feel isn’t what I portray.
I come across confident and strong,
But my insides disagree and it feels all wrong,
But control has always been the key,
To portray a character that isn’t me.
Who wants to see such a broken thing,
A beautiful creature with a damaged wing,
How can you mend what you thought was fixed,
With so many emotions boiling and mixed.
I need a solution to my mind,
It isn’t right and it isn’t kind,
I’ve lost my way people can see,
That something is different within me,
I brush it off and say ‘I’m fine’,
And write my feeling to confine,
A confusion and numbness that I don’t like,
But Me and everyone else are so unlike.
To describe my feelings I must say,
It feels like I’m floating day by day,
Observing the world from afar,
It feels normal and yet bizarre.
I don’t fit in anywhere I go,
But people are stupid and far too slow,
I don’t understand how they think,
Or how their social conventions link.
Is this normal or it just me,
I want to go back to a person I used to be,
One full of fire and full of fun,
That didn’t stop till the laughter begun.
What to do and how to act,
Can’t there be a book about this fact,
I want to know who I am again,
I want to feel normal not insane.