I need to write down how I feel,

But I feel empty like nothings real,

My mind is blank and my body’s tired,

A long day where lots has transpired.

A bunch of questions about my life,

About a marriage and how I became ‘wife’,

I don’t like all this attention,

About my life and it’s intention.

 

I’ve made lots of choices I now regret,

But I don’t fear, tremble or fret,

They made me who I am today,

But what I feel isn’t what I portray.

 

I come across confident and strong,

But my insides disagree and it feels all wrong,

But control has always been the key,

To portray a character that isn’t me.

 

Who wants to see such a broken thing,

A beautiful creature with a damaged wing,

How can you mend what you thought was fixed,

With so many emotions boiling and mixed.

 

I need a solution to my mind,

It isn’t right and it isn’t kind,

I’ve lost my way people can see,

That something is different within me,

I brush it off and say ‘I’m fine’,

And write my feeling to confine,

A confusion and numbness that I don’t like,

But Me and everyone else are so unlike.

 

To describe my feelings I must say,

It feels like I’m floating day by day,

Observing the world from afar,

It feels normal and yet bizarre.

 

I don’t fit in anywhere I go,

But people are stupid and far too slow,

I don’t understand how they think,

Or how their social conventions link.

 

Is this normal or it just me,

I want to go back to a person I used to be,

One full of fire and full of fun,

That didn’t stop till the laughter begun.

 

What to do and how to act,

Can’t there be a book about this fact,

I want to know who I am again,

I want to feel normal not insane.