Hit, slap there she goes,
Delivering pain, delivering blows,
What makes her so angry I’ll never know,
I just want to leave, I want to go.
Why do I deserve a life this way,
Abused and tortured day by day,
My body hurts and my mind is weak,
How can each day be so bleak.
I wake up in the morning eyeing the clock,
Taking the insults, the laughs and mock,
I want to get out and fly away,
I’d rather be alone as a dirty stray,
But luck’s never been my friend,
Instead I’ll be beaten while I try to mend.
The body is brittle and the mind is shut,
It’s closed down to avoid being cut,
It’s learnt to block and hide the pain,
But it’s created a monster that I call Cain.
It might be dark and a little strange,
The blows keep coming and I Cant change,
My body grows weak while Cain gets strong,
While I try to fight all that’s gone wrong.
Cain my ‘alter ego’ some might say,
It might be true but it does obey,
But some thoughts are still my debt,
And why doesn’t the abuser have regret,
For the life and love they stole from me,
They may have gone but I’m never free,
From flashbacks that haunt my dreams,
They make me sweat & cause the screams,
But they can sleep with no regret,
On all they did- I want to forget.
I toss and turn at night to sleep,
My eyes are wet & yet I don’t weep,
A normalcy I’ve grown to know,
With whispers in the night like a echo,
A constant reminder I need block,
In order to be strong & sturdy like a rock.
It’s been years and years since the abuse,
I still don’t understand & feel obtuse,
Why did it happen to me,
Living in fear of a violence spree.
I want to move on and want to let go,
But there’s too much that doesn’t show,
I will keep sane as I’ve learnt to hide,
All the anger and tears I’ve cried,
I’ve learned to be strong it became my task,
To hide everything wrong behind this mask.
For now I will bide my time,
For karma to appear and punish her crime,
I’ll wait for the day she’s laid rest,
And burns in hell- never blessed,
For she may hope but never get,
How I felt with every threat.
So hit away at your new victim,
I know your future and it looks grim,
Even in hell you deserve worst,
I want your pain it gives me thirst.
Revenge is an awful thing,
But it gives me hope of what the future may bring.