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A Lyrical Delusion

Poetry- To Allow A Free Mind

Category

mental health

A woman in white

Extraordinary is what i see,
A beauty that’s wild and free,
Strong and fierce,
And full of vision,
With lethal grace and precision.

A predator clad in white,
Ready to jump and take flight.
Of Fire, water, earth, and air,
Ethereal , free and fair.

Kind, compassionate, loving, and peaceful,
With a light that shines bright, that doesn’t dull.

The smell of grass, the wind on her face,
The flow of the body in a delicate like grace.

The artist and the dancer

Have you ever had one of those days where your life seemed so insignificant that you wondered, what is the point? When you stop noticing the colour in the world or could be completely surrounded by people only to feel that you’re alone. I have, and I’m guessing many people do at some point in their life, some move on, others find ways to fill that void with unimportant things and some people overcome it in ways that are so significant that it can help change the lives of those around them. Just like someone changed my life for the better.

It started with a typical Monday, I took the long subway ride to work immersed myself in music coming through my headphones to drown out the sound of the outside world as its heaviness sat with me. I looked at the people around, grim expressions, tiredness, and the lack of colour or vibrancy. Once off the subway, I grabbed a bagel and coffee from an outdoor vendor and made my way to the publishing house where I worked as an assistant and began my day.
My work wasn’t anything special or exciting, but it allowed me to read books to imagine worlds full of colour and adventure to help fill my void. It was my little thing to help me get through the day, the ultimate form of escapism. I understood the characters in the books better than most people I worked with, I’d laugh and cry with those characters and fall in love with them, and for a little while, I’d feel less alone, but every story eventually comes to an end and you move on, find more stories and more books.
I finished work early that day and went to carry on my routine of the subway home and then a night glued to another book but something halted me, part of me couldn’t bear to spend another night alone in my tiny apartment. Despite all the books I had read and all the adventures I have imagined, at that moment I had never felt more alone, empty. Tiredness that seemed to yearn for peace struck so deep that I couldn’t move. I felt frozen on the spot, it felt like I could scream, and non of the passerby would hear me, I had never felt more disconnected. I wanted to cry, to run, to scream, to hit something all at once and it felt overwhelming. I knew at that moment that no amount of books could give vibrancy to that dullness. And I started to run.

I didn’t care where I went or if people thought I was crazy, I didn’t care for the laughter or the dramas of the city life around me, I just needed to run and that’s what I did, I ran for what felt like an eternity until my breathing felt like raw shards of glass and my legs could no longer carry me. It led me just outside the city to a small lake surrounded by trees where very few visited. I wandered for a while around the lake until I spotted a small bench surrounded by stones and flowers.

I slumped down on the bench and didn’t think, didn’t move, just sat there in a state of complete emptiness. It may have been minutes or hours of time that may have stopped completely, I didn’t know at that point, I had forgotten who I was and despair felt like my new companion. After a while, I started to notice how cold I was, not just inside, but the sun was slowly departing for the day and I had been in an unmovable position for quite a while. I began looking around, the lake had peace to it and a stillness that I hadn’t noticed before, the scent of the flowers next to me suddenly managed to get through the wall of despair that seemed to have surrounded me. As I looked at the flowers I noticed something stuck between the crevice of the rocks, a plastic bag that seemed to contain something. Without thinking, I got up and yanked it out. It contained a little black book. I opened the booked and it flipped through the pages, there were little artistic drawings and it appeared to be a diary. There was a piece of paper tucked in the book that said:

“If you find this book then you have come into something special. A memoir of such in the form of drawings and words to express the ups and downs I have felt during my time in the world”.
“I sat in this exact spot and wrote as I wept when the pain of the world became too much. You see I’m someone who navigated the world invisible to many, I’m charming and elegant and had a love for all. I sat and observed, I sat and listened and I laughed and I cried so much deeper than many could even fathom. I was a simple thing, who took moments to simply feel the cruel bite of the winter frost, to feel the wind rustle through my hair, to feel the sun run kisses up my skin. I enjoyed them all and they each in turn helped me smile and light up a joy in me that warmed my very being.
If you found this book, then know it was by no accident, the very spot you’re sat in is one that I often favorited when peace was required. I’d sit, listen to the birds, watch the clouds roll by, but most importantly, see the sun glint off the water in the most dazzlingly of light shows, and in that moment, nothing else mattered. The problems would just disappear, the noise, the pain- all gone in just a moment. In this book you will find a gift, the gift will hopefully ease some of your troubles and if you have no requirement for the gift, please find someone that does- all I ask is that you return to this spot at first light and meet a very important artist of mine. They will greet you with open arms and give you a warmth you have never felt before.”

Yours sincerely
An endearing stranger

As I scanned through the book, I came across a cheque for £20,000, a sticky note on the cheque requested that I add my name in the blank recipient box. I was shocked and could barely believe it, I went back and forth wondering whether it was the right thing to do until the sun went down and I could no longer feel my hands. I began walking to the subway with the book tucked under my arm in complete silence. I didn’t know what to think or if it was even real, it would certainly help my situation.
Later that night, I sat in bed trying to fathom what had happened during the day, it felt like I had been in such different emotional states that I didn’t know where to begin deciphering. I still felt empty and tired that I knew sleep couldn’t cure. But I knew I’d return to the lake the next day.

The following day, back at the lake, there was no sign of anyone, the morning frost left a chill in the air and the way the mist came from the water gave it an airy feel. I could see no person or no artist as I sat in that same spot on the bench looking out over the water. I waited until the first light- becoming slightly more impatient and was wondering if I had been set up, but as the first light approached, something happened- the world came alive. From the moment the light touched the water, there were so many colors and it became clear what the artist was, for this lake, the sun, the frost, the reflection of the trees, the sky, the feel of the cold, the smell of morning zap, were all part of an orchestra supporting a dancer of light and I was the audience in a captivating show that infiltrated every one of my senses to deliver me a moment of pure bliss. The sun cast downlight which turned into a rainbow of color, an iridescent orgasm to the eyes. I looked and couldn’t think, I was frozen in that spot just watching, listening, and breathing. The sounds of my breath and heartbeat were loud in the silence and they became the backing tune to nature’s art. I felt tears slide down my face, and despite the morning chill, I suddenly felt warmth radiate through me like the sun had wrapped me in a warm embrace and shined through every issue I have ever had. I had never felt more at peace, more connected like in this moment, I was exactly where I was supposed to be.

I realized at that moment that each moment is unique and unlike any others, our life is made up of many moments, many are insignificant, some stay with us and some aren’t as good, but they’re all unique non less and at this moment I felt like I could finally breathe again.

The Colours of Me

If you Stripped away your layers and saw your soul,
Would it be colourful or black as coal?

I have many colours you see,
From the dark of the night, to the green of a tree.

A rainbow of colours in the most beautiful view,
From green- the colour of nature and of love of all I’ve been through.

To the yellowy gold of the fires that burn inside,
Of strength, of freedom that I don’t hide.

To the blue of my voice that hums and sings,
That allows me to communicate to give me wings.

To the orange of my sexuality and sensual pleasure,
That rises in me like a long lost treasure.

To the red that grounds me, like a rooted tree,
That no wind can knock over with true stability.

To indigo- a hidden eye,
That helps guide me but will never lie.

To violet or white, the crown on my head,
That knows all, from what is seen to what is said.

All colours in balance, and a beautiful flow,
Of chakras balanced that allow you to know.
To shine so bright and glow and gleam,
Because life isn’t always as it may seem.

Colours

Colour is everywhere and I can’t help but stare,
It reminds me of nature, the nature of me,
And the things that connect us, that we can’t always see.

Like the blue of the ocean that can be seen in my eyes, or way up high, in the cloudless skies.

Or the white-gold in my hair, that is like the sun, that dances around when it comes undone.

The beige freckles on my body, that I pretend are stars,
So if I lose my way, they will shine away the scars.

The green on the leaves and the bark of the tree,
Are my friends that help me be free.

I’m a hippie of sorts, and my colours are strong,
As I like to dance along to nature’s song.

When I shut my eyes, there’s colour and light,
It flows and weaves in the most beautiful sight.

Colour has taste and sometimes a sound,
It can dazzle or sing or leave you spellbound.

Every colour is beautiful and appears in my soul,
For an absence of colour wouldn’t let me feel whole.
From blue to green, to yellow, to red,
They’re with me from the moment I wake till I go to bed.
But even my dreams aren’t black and white,
There’s colour with me even through the night.

Summer

The warmth that fills the summer air,
And the smell of trees, of earth, of soil,
the breath of wind so gentle and fair,
Are delights of nature that do not spoil.

Each day of summer is a blessing not disguised,
The gold of the sun that kisses the skin,
It’s warmth and heat doesn’t let me hide,
It shines and heals the wounded parts within.

I can’t recall a summer’s day from past,
Where they weren’t filled with joy, of wonder, of cheer,
The memories I remember aren’t bad or of aghast,
Gone are the days of cold and of fear.

The summer’s day is a blessing not disguised,
It’s teaches me to shine not hide,
To allow myself to remember the fun,
Under the caring gaze of the golden sun.

A comfort

It’s been so long since I saw your face,
A beauty for sure, an image that’s hard to erase.
I used to dream of something so pure,
We’d fly and love and have adventures and explore,
There was little we wouldn’t do,
We could dance and laugh all night through.

Then one day you left and off you went,
So many years and a healthy way to vent.
To feel a love I never knew,
Until the day it brought me to you,
To a man I felt I’d known my entire life,
I could have become your love and wife,
But it was never meant to be,
Life had other plans for me.
Until one day we meet again,
With all my love till not, till then.

Stars

Who I supposed to be,
What am I supposed to see,
We live and breathe and look for hope,
On different ways on how to cope.
We pray, we meditate, we try so much,
For the miracles we seem to clutch,
But this will only take you so far,
It will help you, but won’t heal every scar.
For ones unseen that seem to hide,
Like a ghostly whispers that once died.

I look to the sky, to the stars to remind me,
That beauty is all around it does not flee.
Many people have come and gone,
But the stars are always there to wish upon.

Light

Seven of cards,
Ace of spades,
Clear the debris before the raids,

Shining bright like a star,
Never near, never far.

From earth we rise to clear the mist,
Ascended from hells unclenched fist,
For light to shine strong and proud,
With a lion’s strength and roar so loud.

We fell and rose to protect and learn,
For this world cannot burn,
We’ll heal and keeps the lights shining bright,
To stop the sickness winning this fight.

It isn’t about coming first, second or third,
But to open your wings and discover your bird,
For freedom, hope and to know who we are,
Because inside all of us is a shining star.

We have the power, the might, and will,
All we have to do is learn to be still.

Lovers

Lovers feud, a lovers fate,
To be reunited with their mate,
Little by little they’ll find their way,
Because miracles can happen each day.

A single touch, a stroke of hand,
That connection that can’t be buried in the sand,
A voice on the wind, a flare of the heart,
There is little that can keep them apart.

The feel of their lips, the taste of their skin,
The layers between them feel so thin.
A connection that can’t be faked or misled,
With words that can’t explain the feeling that’s said.

An alchemy of sort as they connect,
That’s heals each part and every defect.
A magic, a love, a passion so deep,
Like an ancient love story that would make you weep.

For when lovers do reunite,
A beauty happens that helps them ignite,
Ignite a beauty they often forget,
Whether it’s nature, a partner, an animal- there’s little to regret.

Punishing

The voices that try to control
Don’t let the be, they own no scroll,
They will no win or have any power,
I’m done looking back I will not cower
Life is precious, the voices cannot ruin,
They have no power over me they’ll learn to run, they will learn to leave, they have no capability to thieve.

Christianity will no longer be,
For it doesn’t have the ability to see,
It cannot change or even punish ,
It no longer has power, it no longer holds hope,
If it can’t teach people how to cope,
It holds no crown it holds no wisdom,
No prayers hold power or religious system,
If it stops people from trying to live,
Freely, happily we should not forgive,
We punish the evil, regardless of sides,
Because we will no listen to those that lied.

If you want to subdue, harm or punish me,
They you have no idea what it means to me to be free.

A titan you called me because you had no power,
You became scared and began to cower,
You seem to have wanted us to forget,
Our own hidden power that made you our pet.

Memories memories come back to me, the ones lost they didn’t want you to see,
They can’t add words, they cants add their own story,
They can’t steal knowledge or wisdom or the essence of you.
They can’t drain your power because religion is through.
I wasn’t a pawn in an old game, because players can change but warriors they can’t tame.
They can’t add words or steal your dreams,
Or try to reverse what you did.

A religious view you will forget, they have no claim to anything or anyone.

Nothing will be reborn , no spirits animals or anything that has tried to harm.

If they can’t respect or let you be,
They will never be able to truly see.

Blessed it be…

Dance

Dance, dance feel the flow,
Hear the music and let go,
Dance to the rhythm, dance to the beat,
Feel the stretch and move your feet.

In that moment you feel the bliss,
And all concerns you just dismiss.
All alone but not lonely,
The music the beat, the colour you see.

It’s a moment, just one that’s completely you,
A moment you forget all the bad you’ve been through.
You dance through the pain because you no longer care,
About other opinions with no one to stare.

Elements

Tear after year, year after year,
The visions, the truth the lifelong seer,
Many worlds I have seen,
Long before I was ever a teen.

Gifted, clever and full of wisdom,
A woman of wonder from a long lost kingdom,
An ancient before time even began,
Living each day the best she can.

Fighting to get away from the lies,
So one day she can soar through the skies,
With wings on her back in a world more free,
Yet why does it feel she needs more clarity.

A mystic, a witch, a wild woman for sure,
Sexual, sensual that no force can cure.
It’s not a disease but a beauty and flow,
A feeling , a sense, something you just know.

No man could ever restrain such a beauty,
Because that would only ever be cruelty.
They could never take her fire,
As this isn’t something that could never expire.

Water, earth, fire and air, talk to her in a silent way,
They keep her stable each and every day.

A rarity, unique and one of kind,
A strong individual that no one could subdue or bind.
One day she will spread and wings and fly,
Feeling the wind on her face as she fly’s by.

Discover

Fly, dive, live and be free,
There’s very few who could stop me,
Don’t listen to the ways of another,
Because it’s you you’re trying to discover.

The uniqueness, the beauty the bits that make you, you.
Because that’s not something that someone can undo.

The smile, the happiness the laughter the joy,
Isn’t something that anyone can destroy.
To overcome to find a way,
To ignore the bad that they might say.

Fly

Once upon a time I learned to fly,
I’d jump of a cliff and into the sky,
Never worrying about falling or being harmed,
Because the wind on the wings was something that calmed.

From fire to water, to air to earth,
There’s little that didn’t offer a rebirth,
The feeling of a breath, or the grass beneath your feet,
The coolness of water, or the sound of the beat.

The music of nature that not all will choose to hear,
That moment of peace with absolute no fear.
The colours, the sun, the moon and the sky,
There’s little you dont experience when you can fly.

Say goodbye to personal demons

What’s a demon I hear you say,

Something that can easily go away,

It can be a voice heard or a bad feeling,

But they aren’t powerful, especially when you’re healing.

 

A demon can’t manifest from bad thoughts,

Because they don’t have colour of any sorts.

It’s just a bad thought that cannot grow,

Because they don’t have any power to show.

 

Nightmares don’t come to life,

And pain can’t cut into a person like a knife.

It’s can’t hold you, hostage or hold you back,

and the negativity can’t attack.

 

You take control of your own being,

As nothing bad can get into the visuals you’re seeing.

 

Luckily, people always have help around,

From something that may not make a sound,

It’s always there helping you along,

Like a caring wisp or a lovers song.

Voices

Do you hear voices around your head,

But struggle sometimes to understand what is being said.

It’s funny how this all came to be,

It started on a journey to feel free.

But freedom sometimes is a difficult concept,

One that I’ve personally struggled to accept.

 

But the one thing I know beyond all,

is that no one around me with suffer from my fall.

No sacrifices, no pain for anyone I care about,

That’s something I truly believe without a doubt.

 

 

Rewiring

In night and day, and day and night,

We lose our will and our fight,

For all we know this is how life is supposed to be,

Sucking out your emotions, so that you can actually see.

 

Funnily enough those with depression see the world clearly,

They don’t feel much as they view everything logically,

But what’s to say that depression isn’t an imbalance of the mind,

What if the problem is how we think makes feeling become blind?

 

Feeling creates good chemicals, but some unconsciously shut it out,

But what happens when you don’t feel anything, and the good chemicals don’t sprout?

They label you depressed, but this isn’t the case,

A cure isn’t a tablet; it’s a rewiring or an erase.

 

Erase they way you think, and rewire to fix the brain,

Allow yourself to feel, so you don’t feel the chemical withdrawal strain.

I know this isn’t something that would work for everyone’s curse,

But it’s a way to realize that tablets make you worse.

 

The brain is a delicate tool, but it is just that,

It just needs to be reeducated, it’s just something to work at!

Depression

A song without notes,

A fire without flame,

the earth without air,

A trial with no claim.

The feeling of death,

Which depression will bring,

Is like a singer that cannot sing.

Blackness in the light,

Loneliness in a crowd,

A voice in your head,

That death it has vowed.

Depression is being alive but feeling dead,

Hearing voices, but not knowing what’s said.

Having content days, but the bad are worse,

With this disease being your personal curse.

Fire

Heat, smoke and flame rise around me,
They twist, they taunt, they won’t let me be,

Fire bypasses rational thought,
And conscious leaves as the fires fought,
Flames doesn’t converse with the brain,
It burns the skin and leaves a stain.

When you’re burning bright and struggling with the heat,
Your rational side gives up and takes a seat,
What replaces it is a scary new thing,
It has no feeling and disaster it will bring.

The inner me is breaking free quicker,
And leaving me feeling weaker and sicker.
I feel the fever when it’s getting stronger,
The heat burns and it’s lasting longer.

I know I should be worried or feel concern,
But I don’t, and even witches burn.

Inner Demon

A demon in me that lies await,
For me to crash into an awful state,
At that point it wakes and crawls,
To get to my conscious through the walls.

Continue reading “Inner Demon”

Phoenix

A bird of flame, a bird of fire,
One true model of which I aspire,
To live forever fearless and free,
A rebirth that holds the renewal key.

Continue reading “Phoenix”

Delusional partner 

Empty, empty, why can’t you see,

The betrayal you put into me.

To feel a love that’s wasn’t real,

Like a safety within a protective seal.

Continue reading “Delusional partner “

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